When I was a kid each day I wanted to do something new.It might not mean something big necessarily,but something as small as finishing a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle or climbing up to the next level of the jungle gym at a park I would go to play.I would decide one day that I wanted to be a teacher and the next day that I would change my mind and would want to just to sing and dance.I remember going through phases where everyday I would want to join some or the other classes- art, swimming, dance-Somethings I wasn’t good at and wanted to learn just because my other friends could do it better and other things which I enjoyed doing and wanted to learn better.I remember coaxing my mom ,telling her about 10 different things that I wanted to learn in a span of 1 month during my vacations.That was the time I didn’t care how good or bad I was it,I just wanted to give everything a try,I didn’t mind getting criticized or told that I was bad, I just loved going through the whole experience of doing something new each day-at something I never tried my before.
During school for special functions we would have dance auditions and guess who would be the first one to race up to them even after getting a “C” grade in dance every Sem??? Needless to say, I was never selected, but I remember repeating the process every time there were dance auditions.I could draw really well but yet somehow I grew up at a place, where kids were extremely talented in art-something which they inherited and was in their genes, yet each year after participating in the state level competition i would wait for months at end for the result confidant about winning. I didn’t matter to me that the other kids were extremely good at drawing,in fact,that was something I was well aware of.It was just that, at that time, It didn’t matter to me how good other people were, I never under estimated how good I could be!
I dreamt of going to places around the world and doing things that I loved- all that I would now regard as an immature far-fetched childhood fantasy.As a grew up my notions and the way I perceived things changed. If I knew I wasn’t that good at something I would consciously refrain from attempting it.I made a mental list of things which according to me, I could or could not do and unknowingly made a mental block against all those things which I felt I was bad at.I guess I was too afraid to embarass myself doing any of those things which I felt I couldn’t good well.Eventually the participation in competitions stopped and i took up a course which i didn’t want to out of the sheer fear that I might not be good enough for the things i actually want to do! 2years down the line pursuing something i just took up for the sake of making a stable career later on,made me feel guilty day by day.I knew i owed it to myself for at least trying to do the thing i love before forcefully pushing myself into something which was clearly not suited for me! Luckily for me, 2 years later i got a chance to undo what I had previously done and choose doing something which I enjoy from the bottom of my heart! And now, doing what I do, I couldn’t be happier!!
This is not something which happened to me alone, I’m sure it happens to all of us.As we grow older, we let go a lot of things just because we think “people” might not like them -These things including many of our dreams in particular. We let people be the judge and the deciding factor on whether or not we should attempt on doing somethings.The fear of not being good enough arises even before making an attempt which kills many dreams.We give up on a lot of things making pre-conceived notions about our short comings.Somewhere along the road we end up throwing away many things we loved doing just because of the sheer pleasure we get by doing them replacing them with some of our “not-so-favorite” things which we feel would make us more receptive.
This is why I would love being a kid all over again! I love seeing a million dreams flashing in their eyes. I love waking up and feeling I can do EVERYTHING I make-up my mind to!! Kid’s DON’T care how stupid they might look,how silly what they do might seem to others- they are their own judge.They learn only through trial and error as opposed to rejecting something even before attempting it.
I don’t remember if I ever felt that I couldn’t do something when I was a kid! I was my own version of super-man! Something within me felt I could do EVERYTHING that I wanted and NOTHING would change this conviction. I never gave up on anything being too scared about the response. I felt there was only 1 way to look at the world and that was MY way- nothing else mattered. As I look back, I could see the change.From being so carefree to thinking and over thinking before doing anything.Feeling may be I’m too small to achieve a dream that big-Even though I remember the time when I felt I could be an astronaut if I would just try! And underestimating your self before even trying is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself.
Remember the time you started out with life and made dreams ???-Well, add a couple more to them don’t take away from what you had dreamt to achieve for yourself. Make goals and don’t let yourself down by giving away way too early. Don’t let the world judge you for your dreams, because you are only answerable to yourself !!Don’t EVER let there be time in your life when you look back and see how much you gave up to be something you never wanted to in the first place.Look at the world the same way as you did when you were a kid- Fearlessly! Because living with knowing that you couldn’t make it after giving it your all is MUCH easier than living with the constantly recurring question- WHAT IF???
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